Helping someone else

When approaching the person about any concerns that you or they have, choose a time and place that’s suitable for both of you. It is important you both feel comfortable and have privacy. Avoid times when either of you is in a crisis or are stressed.

Finding a neutral space to meet such as a coffee shop rather than approaching someone in their bedroom or personal space is also recommended.

When you’re raising a concern, make it about your own feelings, observations, concerns or beliefs and not a criticism of the person. If you approach it with “you”, they will feel judged, attacked and ambushed and therefore be defensive. Don’t say things like “I hate seeing you like this, you need to get help!” Instead try, “I’m really worried about you. I think it might help you to talk with someone about what you’re going through.”

Set aside any beliefs you may have about the person and what they may be going through. Don’t talk about any of that, just let them talk freely and tell you about their thoughts, problems, fears and what they’re struggling with. Truly listen empathetically so you can get an understanding before you offer your help or make any suggestions.

Now that you’ve listened to the person and heard and understood what they’re experiencing, you can offer your emotional support by empathising with their feelings and by showing them that there’s support available. This will give them a sense of hope that they can recover from the difficulties they’re experiencing, and that it’s possible to have a better life. Ask them whether they would like you to give them some information about mental health conditions and the issues that they sound like they could be experiencing.

Helping someone doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers and solutions to solve their problems. Suggest to the person that you help them look up and book the different options of appropriate support available that could help them recover. These would usually start with talking to a GP, counsellor or psychologist. It may lead to a mental health assessment, attending therapy, support groups, medication and/or seeking assistance with areas of life such as accommodation, education and employment.

These can be self-help strategies such as using mental health apps, reading books, watching videos and listening to podcasts around mental health and well-being. With the person’s permission, encourage family members, friends, co-workers and others to support them, and remind the person that it is ok to ask these people for support. This helps them create a support network they can call on in a crisis. Remember, if the person is not ready to discuss their mental health with others, it is not your place to freely share their personal information with others.

The adult you’re helping has the right to decide whether what they say in a conversation with you can be shared with other people. They also have rights when deciding whether to seek help and supports and to consent to medical treatments, hospital admission or refuse life-saving medical treatment. Read more about their rights here.

It’s important that you look after your own mental health while supporting someone who is struggling. After your conversation about their mental health problems, you may feel overwhelmed, drained, down or ‘depressed’. If you can, talk to someone so you can be your healthiest self when supporting others.